Comment of the Week

January 10, 2007

No doubt about it--the comment of the week goes to my faithful reader Allison. Get a load of this:

amy, as a faithful blog reader.. i've missed you!!! i hope you get settled soon, and get back to your frequent postings!!! (im hoping for more than once a day ;) )

Thanks Allison, I'm so glad to know that I've been missed because there's certainly been a void in my life without the frequent, compulsive posting. My daily blog habits down in Texas provided me with feelings of self-worth, inner-peace, and a very convincing--albeit false--sense of productivity. I genuinely hope to return to my habits in the next couple of weeks, and regain my identity as an over educated babysitter who loves to share the delicate details of her husband's personal grooming habits.

In the mean time, I'd like to give you, my faithful readers, a comprehensive update on my life. I realize that I've left you largely in the dark, and I'd like to offer you an apology and a well-crafted excuse. So here goes...

A few weeks before we left Texas, I had blogging on the brain big time. I was wondering if I should change my title, I was developing strategies to increase my readership, and I was starting to worry that I share too many details of my life with total strangers. My fearful feelings were induced by two of my favorite bloggers, Sue and Hollywood, who went through some major pains to make their blogs anonymous. They both assumed false identities, gave fake names to their children and spouse, and altered every single post to meet their new criteria.

And then there was me. My blog was all--Hi. My name is Amy Lawson. I live in Dallas, I drive an '89 Blazer, and I like to grocery shop at the Albertsons on Mockingbird Lane. I'm usually there on Thursday nights at seven, and I generally wear a red sweatsuit while shopping. If you'd like to see me in a jean skirt, you can find me at the Mormon church off of Ross Avenue on Sunday mornings. And if you'd like to see me in spandex pants, just peek into the windows of the YMCA by White Rock Lake--I'll be the one farting on the treadmill. Happy hunting, perverts!

Not good. But since I was moving across the country, I really didn't see the need to go back and make my blog anonymous. I simply decided that once we settled in New England, I would be more selective about the personal details that I disclose.

For example, I'm not going to let you know what town we decide to live in. You see, most towns in Maine have less than 5,000 people. Finding me would be as simple as stopping at the gas station, and asking the cashier how to find the new girl from Texas with the kid who's still in diapers. You'd have the name of my mailman, a hand drawn map to my doublewide, and a free Pepsi within sixteen seconds--I guarantee it.

I've also decided that I won't tell you about the new vehicle that we've purchased. After all, it's very unique and highly identifiable. Seriously folks, have you ever see an orange and black striped snowmobile with an airbrushed tiger face on the front? It's got an enclosed trailer on the back for James to ride in, and we all wear neon green helmets that say "BAD ASS" on the side.

Ok fine--that detail was fabricated. You really shouldn't look for a vehicle matching that description unless you want to find my father-in-law.

So that's excuse number one for my lack of posts--I've been trying to keep my life a little bit more private.

And my second excuse is equally valid--we're completely unsettled and still haven't found a place to live. We've been bouncing back and forth between my parents' house, my in-laws' house, and a family beach house that remains vacant through most of the winter.

There's no internet connection at the beach, my mom and dad just installed a wireless router at their house, and I really don't want my in-laws to think that I'm a lazy turd who lets my kid watch TV while I sit around and blog all day...even though I am. Right now, for example, I'm writing from my mother-in-law's bathroom and she thinks I've spent the last thirty minutes pooping. But really, there's only so much pooping a girl can do, so my blog time is very limited.

And there you have it, those are the only excuses I've got. Now--if you're still reading--I'll give you a brief update on our lives.

We're in the middle of an all-out real estate hunt in Maine. We're looking for a well-priced house, and a nice piece of office space within commuting distance of one another--and there's got to be room in the community for another chiropractor. That might sound easy to those of you who live in cities and suburbs, but it's quite the challenge up here in Maine.

In all seriousness, we looked at a nice house in our price range, only to find out that the neighbor two doors down runs an at-home business called "Maine Chemical and Explosive Disposal Service." I looked at my real estate agent, and I was like, "I don't care how many bathrooms this place has. I refuse to get exploded when I'm trying to paint m'damn fence!" We also looked at some office space in a "medical building" that had carpeted walls and concrete floors. I was all, "Unless that doctorate taught you how to walk perpendicular, we are not renting this place, Jared."

So the property hunt continues, the nomadic lifestyle continues, and unfortunately, the blogging drought might continue for a while, too. But I'm hopeful that we'll figure everything out in the next week or two--after all, I think my in-laws are ready to stick a bag on my head and dump me in the woods. And honestly, I can't say I blame 'em.


Brad and Rebecca said...

oh man....that fence comment made me snort. really it did. I miss ya Amy!!!! By the way- the cream is not working....and i know you know what i mean!

Ian said...

When I started blogging I fully intended to keep my identity anonymous but it's quite difficult to do. Especially when I realized that I was posting my race times and then linking to the race website - most of which have race results searchable by time.

Bahston Beans said...

Darn. I was so pumped about the muscle machine snowmobile! Make it happen!

Redneck Mommy said...

I started off blogging anonymously, but then switched to going public...mostly just to piss of my mother. Heh heh.

(She's so proud.)

I just am careful about what boundaries I cross. And how often I talk about my vagina.

Good luck finding a house.

J~Mom said...

I heard about one blogger that even signs up for races under an assumed name. Very clever. I don't think I thought everything through before starting this blogging adventure. LOL

chattypatra said...

Don't worry, Amy. Your in-laws would never put a bag over your head when they dump you in the woods. They'll just tie you to a tree and pour honey all over you so that a nice bear can eat! :p

P.S: Was that post supposed to be your Christmas letter? ;)

Miss you TONS.

Jess said...

I figure that with Big Brother already monitoring my life, few things need to remain anonymous. And while I'm sure there are pervs trolling the web in search of young, hot meat, I doubt they'll wander my way, and if they do? I have stalker students who are a bigger worry to me.

Anyhoo, thanks for the update. It's hard to get settled; I've been there, done that. Several times. Whenever you get situated, we know you'll return!

akshaye said...

I guess I didn't worry about that too much! Kind of hard to find one person in a city of 4 million something.

I probably dont want to know what my neighbors are cookin up in their houses!

Katy Shamitz said...

was that the house with the shut?

Mindy said...

Amy, I'm trying to be compassionate, because I know how crazy moving is, but I really miss my daily dose of TLDD. I check here obsessively, and practically throw a party every time there is a new post. So, take your time getting settled in, but BE QUICK ABOUT IT. Whew. Sorry I yelled a little there.

Cheryl said...

Hey, why don't you invite yourselves over to Sarah and Jason's whenever you and the in-laws get on each other's nerves? They've got lots of room! Nice of me to volunteer my daughter, huh?

I hear ya about the anonymity. Most everyone is so nice, but you never know who's out there.

Erin said...

Oh, I totally understand what you are saying! I am trying to keep major details out of my blog, but I am starting to wonder if it makes it less interesting.

Grandma said...

did you leave James in the crib under all your stuff? I checked just to be sure!

Christine said...

This is the funniest posting I've ever read! Good luck in the new city..I'm a yankee trying to survive down in good ole Georgia for grad school, so I completely understand what you are going through. Best of luck!

TheOneTrueSue said...

Sniffle. I'm one of your favorites? You lie like a dog, but I will pretend it's true, because you are AWESOME. Thanks for the link ;>

Anonymous said...

I actually like having my blog annonymous, but it IS hard to do.

Pretty much the only thing I don't share is my real name, the actual town I live in, or pictures of myself or close friends/family.

Jessica Schessler said...

Welcome back to Maine Amy!!

Hope the real estate hunt goes better for you. My husband and I just entered a contract for one... I feel your pain in finding the right one!!

Viv said...

Hope the house hunting goes well and y'all (had to remind u of TX) find a great home for the family!

Amy said...

Amy, Amy, Amy.... come live by me. My girls need a little mini Richard Simmons in their life. Their current little boyfriend is moving away. And, really, what little guy doesn't want older women in his life, and twins too boot. Seriously though, Kent and I wish you guys all the luck in the search. If you need a place to land while the search continues our door is always open. Plus, my kids watch tv all with a bag of chips in their hands so no feeling like a loser at my place - smiles!

Amy@RunnersLounge said...

Good luck in your house search and getting settled. While the transition might be bumpy right now, I have no doubt that it will build a reservior of fabulous material for you to entertain us with once you are back into a routine.

Take care,