August 17, 2009
Google Reader is being weird to me today. How dare it publish my rough draft instead of my finely polished work!
Really, this is just a Google Reader test...
And really, I love Google Reader. Even on its cranky days.
Showing posts with label just the facts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label just the facts. Show all posts
Too Hungry
August 11, 2009
Hello. I'm around. I'm simply too hungry to come up with a good post right now. Much, much, much too hungry.
I'm starving.
Have I mentioned that already?
Hello. I'm around. I'm simply too hungry to come up with a good post right now. Much, much, much too hungry.
I'm starving.
Have I mentioned that already?
Laptop Down
June 26, 2009
Well guys, I'm down one laptop--at least until the end of this week. The situation has left me typing this message on a six-year-old desktop, which happens to be half the size of Mississippi. I would also like to note that I'm sitting in the supply closet.
According to my very scientific calculations, I'm half a step above a homeless pirate sending handwritten messages in an empty rum bottle.
At least this computer monitor outweighs me. Not many things do these days, so it's going a really long way in the self esteem department. I'm actually thinking about dumping this thing in a grocery cart, pushing it around town, and stopping random strangers to ask questions like, "Excuse me, ma'am? Does this monitor make me look skinny?" or "Do you think a laptop would make my bum look fat?"
That's my long way of saying that I might not be on much this week.
And please, if I never write again, be sure to watch Wipeout tonight. It will change your life for the better. I promise.
Well guys, I'm down one laptop--at least until the end of this week. The situation has left me typing this message on a six-year-old desktop, which happens to be half the size of Mississippi. I would also like to note that I'm sitting in the supply closet.
According to my very scientific calculations, I'm half a step above a homeless pirate sending handwritten messages in an empty rum bottle.
At least this computer monitor outweighs me. Not many things do these days, so it's going a really long way in the self esteem department. I'm actually thinking about dumping this thing in a grocery cart, pushing it around town, and stopping random strangers to ask questions like, "Excuse me, ma'am? Does this monitor make me look skinny?" or "Do you think a laptop would make my bum look fat?"
That's my long way of saying that I might not be on much this week.
And please, if I never write again, be sure to watch Wipeout tonight. It will change your life for the better. I promise.
Whoopie!!!!
June 16, 2009Ladies and Gentlemen, I tip my hat to all of you.
I wish, more than anything, that I had enough loose change under my couch cushions to buy forty-three whoopie pies and mail them all over the country to every single person who entered my most amazing contest.
But the truth is, I'm not that well off. Even if I had that kind of change, I wouldn't use it on whoopie pies for strangers--I'd use it on McChicken sandwiches for myself.
I know. Sometimes the truth hurts. I'm sorry.
So, now that all of your feelings are hurt, and without furter ado, I'd like to award two whoopie pies to my dear friend from Texas. The one who wrote this flowing little gem:
I wish the Barbie Doll was more of a piglet like me...with hairy legs, orange juice spilled on her shirt, and a skirt riding up between her legs because of that nasty static cling. Maybe then, I wouldn't feel the need to stick a light bulb up her ass and light her beach house on fire.
I chose Rachel's entry for three distinct reasons...
1. I can relate to those sentances. Barbie's such a ho--and I'm so super jealous of her.
2. Rachel guilted me into the victory with light to moderate stalking.
3. Rachel incorporated the word "ass" into her comment.
So there ya go, Rach! Congratulations!
Please send me your address so I can mail your prize and steal yard maintenance tools out of your garage.
Keep Your Eyes Peeled
June 16, 2009
The lucky winner of the whoopie pie giveaway will be posted sometime this evening--after I get home from work, after I eat dinner, and after I mow the lawn (which could take a while, because seriously, that dern pull-cord was made to be my nemesis). Oh and after Jared gets home, too--he likes to have input when it comes to the big decisions in our marriage.
Stay tuned.
The lucky winner of the whoopie pie giveaway will be posted sometime this evening--after I get home from work, after I eat dinner, and after I mow the lawn (which could take a while, because seriously, that dern pull-cord was made to be my nemesis). Oh and after Jared gets home, too--he likes to have input when it comes to the big decisions in our marriage.
Stay tuned.
A Super Sweet Giveaway!
June 13, 2009
I don't do giveaways--mostly because I stink at going to the post office.
But guess what? I'm about to do a giveaway!
Based on the emails spilling out of my inbox this morning, there are many people in many parts of this country who love a good whoopie pie. As such, the winner of the giveaway will win not one, but two whoopie pies from the best whoopie pie bakery in the whole, wide world.
All you have to do is this: Leave a comment on this post that successfully incorporates four of the following words.
Hairy
Orange Juice
Piglet
Barbie Doll
Light Bulb
Beach House
Static
There's a two sentence maximum, my favorite comment wins (totally fair), and the contest ends Monday night at 8pm Eastern Standard Time.
Now go!
I don't do giveaways--mostly because I stink at going to the post office.
But guess what? I'm about to do a giveaway!
Based on the emails spilling out of my inbox this morning, there are many people in many parts of this country who love a good whoopie pie. As such, the winner of the giveaway will win not one, but two whoopie pies from the best whoopie pie bakery in the whole, wide world.
All you have to do is this: Leave a comment on this post that successfully incorporates four of the following words.
Hairy
Orange Juice
Piglet
Barbie Doll
Light Bulb
Beach House
Static
There's a two sentence maximum, my favorite comment wins (totally fair), and the contest ends Monday night at 8pm Eastern Standard Time.
Now go!
This and That
June 11, 2009
Today I have a random spattering of this and that. Here goes:
1. Jared had a really nice, long talk with our tattoo neighbor yesterday afternoon. Apparently he has no face tattoos, no facial piercings, and looks a helluva lot like Danny Gokey from American Idol. Turns out the guy charges $150 and hour, used the word "upscale" more than once during the conversation, and plans to use the space as an art gallery several nights a month.
I am happy to say that I'm once again breathing on my own, without the assistance of any medical machinery or CPR.
2. A big thank you for all of your input on the 4th of July float. Thanks to all of your fabulous and inspirational ideas, the final (and incredible) float idea came to me in a dream. Rather than trying to explain it, I've provided you with a truly exceptional sketch:
That's Uncle Sam in an xray machine. Got it? Can you see it? My master plan is to have Uncle Sam, Honest Abe, The Statue of Liberty, and some other very important American patriots all wearing their own xray apparatus. They'll walk along side a pickup truck where a few very happy volunteers will throw all sorts of memorable items to the captivated crowd.
Foolproof.
3. If you're a good person who wants to make the world a better place, you should click here.
4. I ate half of a bag of Cheetos last night while I sat on the couch and watched WipeOut. That is the greatest show in the world, and it was the greatest night of my life.
5. I have officially made the move from running in races to volunteering for races. I have my first half-marathon volunteer meeting tonight and dude, I'm so psyched up! I'm definitely planning to wear my sweats and bring my ipod. And then, on race day, there's no question that I'll win my age group in cone setting upping and runner registration.
Happy Thursday, everyone.
Today I have a random spattering of this and that. Here goes:
1. Jared had a really nice, long talk with our tattoo neighbor yesterday afternoon. Apparently he has no face tattoos, no facial piercings, and looks a helluva lot like Danny Gokey from American Idol. Turns out the guy charges $150 and hour, used the word "upscale" more than once during the conversation, and plans to use the space as an art gallery several nights a month.
I am happy to say that I'm once again breathing on my own, without the assistance of any medical machinery or CPR.
2. A big thank you for all of your input on the 4th of July float. Thanks to all of your fabulous and inspirational ideas, the final (and incredible) float idea came to me in a dream. Rather than trying to explain it, I've provided you with a truly exceptional sketch:
That's Uncle Sam in an xray machine. Got it? Can you see it? My master plan is to have Uncle Sam, Honest Abe, The Statue of Liberty, and some other very important American patriots all wearing their own xray apparatus. They'll walk along side a pickup truck where a few very happy volunteers will throw all sorts of memorable items to the captivated crowd.Foolproof.
3. If you're a good person who wants to make the world a better place, you should click here.
4. I ate half of a bag of Cheetos last night while I sat on the couch and watched WipeOut. That is the greatest show in the world, and it was the greatest night of my life.
5. I have officially made the move from running in races to volunteering for races. I have my first half-marathon volunteer meeting tonight and dude, I'm so psyched up! I'm definitely planning to wear my sweats and bring my ipod. And then, on race day, there's no question that I'll win my age group in cone setting upping and runner registration.
Happy Thursday, everyone.
HELP, HELP, HELP!!!!!
June 8, 2009
Obviously, I need your help.
Today, since Jared is out of town fishing, I took the liberty of signing up his business (a chiropractic office) to enter a float into the frignormously huge 4th of July Parade that passes right by his office.
Even though it promises to provide buttloads of free advertising to a captive audience of thousands, I absolutely guarantee that he will detest this idea--after all, he hates all manner of holiday fun.
I signed him up on a whim, without any plan of attack, and this is where I need your help.
I need ideas for a float, a TASTEFUL float, that will leave the masses lining up for chiropractic care from the dashing Dr. Lawson.
Here's are my guidelines:
1. It must be catchy.
2. It can be funny, but definitely not inappropriate--that's what this blog is for. As much as it saddens me, I will not even entertain the idea of incorporating potty humor into our fantastic 4th of July parade float.
3. As much as I like the idea of oiling the roads or love-tapping innocent bystanders with our vehicle, we cannot injure people as a means of getting them into our office.
4. No, no, no--we won't drive the Blazer.
5. Nothing bigger than a tractor trailer truck (I'm laughing out loud over here).
6. Yes, we can throw things to the crowd.
Now please, please, please...HELP ME!!!
Obviously, I need your help.
Today, since Jared is out of town fishing, I took the liberty of signing up his business (a chiropractic office) to enter a float into the frignormously huge 4th of July Parade that passes right by his office.
Even though it promises to provide buttloads of free advertising to a captive audience of thousands, I absolutely guarantee that he will detest this idea--after all, he hates all manner of holiday fun.
I signed him up on a whim, without any plan of attack, and this is where I need your help.
I need ideas for a float, a TASTEFUL float, that will leave the masses lining up for chiropractic care from the dashing Dr. Lawson.
Here's are my guidelines:
1. It must be catchy.
2. It can be funny, but definitely not inappropriate--that's what this blog is for. As much as it saddens me, I will not even entertain the idea of incorporating potty humor into our fantastic 4th of July parade float.
3. As much as I like the idea of oiling the roads or love-tapping innocent bystanders with our vehicle, we cannot injure people as a means of getting them into our office.
4. No, no, no--we won't drive the Blazer.
5. Nothing bigger than a tractor trailer truck (I'm laughing out loud over here).
6. Yes, we can throw things to the crowd.
Now please, please, please...HELP ME!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)